Pretend (Poem)

Author’s Note: This poem was originally written in 2013 before I was married and has been moved here from a personal blog I no longer use. I’m happy to say that I have gotten over this phase of my life and now enjoy a content and happy life with my loving husband and beautiful children.

Afflictions of sorts inside me thrive
Sometimes wanting death even while I’m alive
Sometimes, elated feelings arrive
In this vicious cycle, I rise and dive

My friends and family can’t truly understand
But they do their best to lend me a hand
Still, my emotions have no place to land
They slip through my fingers like sugary sand

In this roller coaster, I’m forced to ride
With no safety belts, I slip and slide
Every now and then, to loved ones I confide
But most of the time, I just choose to hide

In the height of it all, I feel my best
That I can stand up to any kind of test
I can turn any occasion into a fest
But to some, my extreme joy becomes a pest

Then darkness looms over the sky
I plummet down after being so high
Optimism and joy inside me die
With no apparent reason, I break down and cry

When people look at me, they see only glee
But behind these laughs are pain and melancholy
My true self I can’t show to them openly
And that is what makes me feel so lonely

To the public, I have to keep wearing a mask
As years pass, I have learned to cope with this task
In this form of secrecy, I have learned to bask
But I’m open to explain to those who would ask

I would have stopped breathing a long time ago
I would have given up if not for my Hero
He taught me to look up when I am so low
He gave me a boat and taught me to row

He is the only Person who understands all
He is the reason I can still stand tall
He is always there whenever I call
He proves to me that I’m not lonely at all

Jehovah promised all things He will mend
An ear and a hand He will always lend
So while waiting for all bad things to end
I’ll keep holding on and happily pretend.