Poem #13: PRETEND










Afflictions of sorts inside me thrive

Sometimes wanting death even while I’m alive

Other times, heightened feelings arrive

In this vicious cycle, I rise and dive


My friends and family can’t truly understand

But they do their best to give me a hand

Still, my emotions have no place to land

They slip through my fingers like sugary sand


In this roller coaster, I’m forced to ride

With no safety belts, I slip and slide

Every now and then, to loved ones I confide

But most of the time, I just choose to hide


In the height of it all, I feel my best

That I can stand up to any kind of test

I can turn any occasion into a fest

But to some, my extreme joy becomes a pest


Then darkness looms over the sky

I plummet down after being so high

Optimism and joy inside me die

With no apparent reason, I break down and cry


When people look at me, they see only glee

But behind these laughs are pain and melancholy

My true self I can’t show to them openly

And that is what makes me feel so lonely


To the public, I have to keep wearing a mask

As years pass, I have learned to cope with this task

In this form of secrecy, I have learned to bask

But I’m open to explain to those who would ask


I would have stopped breathing a long time ago

I would have given up if not for my Hero

He taught me to look up when I am so low

He gave me a boat and taught me to row


He is the only Person who understands all

He is the reason I can still stand tall

He is always there whenever I call

He proves to me that I’m not lonely at all


Jehovah promised all things He will mend

An ear and a hand He will always lend

So while waiting for all bad things to end

I’ll keep holding on and happily pretend.


– MJP (April 1, 2013)


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